Carlton Lassiter is Not Gay
by libco
Summary: Carlton Lassiter is not gay, but he's not stupid either.  He knows Shawn Spencer is flirting with him.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1  
**

Santa Barbara's Head Detective Carlton Lassiter looks up and shouts, "Spencer why are you standing on top of my desk?"

"The spirits have called me Lassie and have given me the answer!" Shawn Spencer starts spinning with his arms out. "Victor, where are you? You said you would always catch me if I fell…" He starts to wobble arms flailing about.

Even though he's tempted to just watch, Carlton instinctively leaps to his feet and puts his arms out to catch Spencer as he falls from the desk.

"It was the stuntman all along!" shouts Detective Juliet O'Hara triumphantly.

Spencer smiles and whispers "Good girl." When Carlton glares at him, he wraps his arms around Carlton's neck, put his head on Carlton's shoulder, bats his eyes, and says, "At least I know you'll always catch me when I fall, Lassie."

Carlton exhales in disgust and dumps him back on his feet before stalking away.

"But Lassie," Spencer calls after him, "we had a moment."

Carlton Lassiter is not gay, but he's not stupid either. He knows Shawn Spencer is flirting with him. It's obvious. He calls him pet names, he prances, he gropes, he rubs, he invades his personal space, but it's so open that everyone thinks it's a joke, to wind Carlton up. It's the …other things that perturb Carlton Lassiter. The sidelong looks when Shawn thinks no one else is watching, the "accidental" touches that Shawn doesn't draw attention to, and the intakes of breath when Carlton invades Shawn personal space, or manhandles him. These are the things that Carlton Lassiter thinks about when he goes home alone to an empty house.

Another day, another case. Spencer is up to his usual antics. Spencer leans into him; he feigns a swoon, pressing himself against him.

Carlton cannot take it anymore. He grabs him by his shirt and pushes him up against the wall. "Spencer! Stop touching me!"

Dark blue eyes widen and Shawn Spencer looks down and up at him through impossibly thick lashes. "Why, what will you do if I don't, will you punish me Lassie?' He sounds breathless.

Shit. He knows. He knows that Carlton knows.

"Well, what are you going to do to me detective?"

Carlton groans and pushes him away. "Nothing."

Carlton doesn't know how he let himself get talked into "going out with the gang," as O'Hara put it, but here he was, drinking in the corner, watching everybody else having a good time. He drained his scotch, started to rise to get another one from the bar when a hand pushed him back down in his seat. He didn't have to look up to know who it was.

"Here, Lassie I got you a drink," Spencer handed him a fresh glass, "just how you like it."

"How do you know how I like it, Spencer?" Carlton growled.

"Oh I've got some ideas." Spencer sat down next to him.

Too close. Carlton scooted away. "Well don't, just" he paused, "don't."

Spencer just looked at him with bright eyes. Hopeful eyes. Knowing eyes.

Carlton is drunk. Really drunk. But it's that kind of drunk where everything is exceptionally clear. And he knows exactly what could happen next if he let it. He looks at Shawn Spencer, feels the body heat positively radiating off of him. He drains his drink in one gulp and stands. "I'm going home."

Nothing could happen next. Because. Carlton Lassiter is not gay.

Carlton runs his hands up sweat slickened skin the color of golden honey. Tastes saltiness beneath his tongue. Smells the sweet and musky scent of his neck. Kisses and bites. A hand tightens on him, and strokes him until Carlton comes, alone, his own hand on himself, the name "Shaw-" on his lips.

"Damnit Spencer!"

Shawn Spencer doesn't touch him as often now, but he looks. He looks when he thinks no one else is looking. He looks when he knows only Carlton is looking. And sometimes, Carlton doesn't look away.

Carlton is not the kind of man who talks about his feelings. Even years of marital counseling couldn't change that. Carlton spends a lot of time at the gun range these days. And when that stops working he goes to the gym. And when that stops working he comes back to work in the evenings. And when that stops working he drinks. On the upside, his clearance rate is the highest it's ever been, he's in great shape, he won the countywide shooting tournament…

"Carlton, is something wrong?" O'Hara is looking at him, concern in her eyes.

"What? No, I'm fine."

"It's just that lately, you've seemed a little off."

"Off? I'm on top of my game. My clearance rate is the highest it's ever been, I'm in great shape, I won the countywide shooting tournament..."

"Oh work-wise, yeah. I meant emotionally."

"You know I don't find this kind of talk appropriate in the workplace O'Hara." He scowls at her.

She rolls her eyes. "Fine, excuse me for worrying about my partner."

"I will tell you when you need to worry about me. Which is never. Come on-we have scumbags to put down-I mean away." He smiles at her-hoping for distraction.

She laughs, "Alright Lassiter-let's go put them down-I mean away."

"I'm worried about Carlton, Shawn." Juliet bit her lip, hating to talk out of turn about such an intensely private man.

"What do you mean Jules? He's on top of his game! His clearance rate is the highest it's ever been, he's in great shape, he won the countywide shooting tournament..."

"Yeah yeah that's what he said too. Actually that's exactly what he said," she looks at him strangely. "And he's also been quieter than usual, meaner than usual, and I think he's been drinking a lot."

"Drinking? Come one Jules, it's Lassie we're talking about, Mr. Responsibility."

"I'm serious Shawn. He wears his sunglasses even when he doesn't need to, and when he does take them off, his eyes are bloodshot. "

"Maybe he has allergies."

She sighs deeply. "And sometimes he smells like booze in the mornings."

"You mean you think he's drinking at work?" Shawn stares at her, aghast.

"No! That's not what I meant. More like he drank too much the night before. But Shawn, this has been like almost every day."

"Okay okay. I will employ my fabulous psychic detective skills to find out what is going on in our Head Detective's head. "

"Thanks Shawn. I may be worrying about nothing, but I think highly of him and…" her voice trailed off.

"Don't apologize, Jules. I think highly of him too."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Carlton Lassiter is trying to get drunk, again. He reaches for his drink, only to have it snatched out of his hand. "Wha-?"

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

Carlton looks and then looks away and up to the ceiling. "Spencer" he says with resignation, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to take you home Lassie."

Carlton snort, "I'm sure you are."

Spencer bends to whisper, and Carlton can feel his lips brush his ear, "If that's what you want," he pauses, "Carlton."

Carlton pushes him away, puts his hands to his head and says "Why won't you leave me alone, every night…"

"Lassie, I haven't seen you in days."

"Every night you're in my head, in my dreams." Carlton looks at him-eyes bright, "Why?"

"That's a question you're going to have to ask yourself. I know why you're in my dreams." Shawn sighs and shakes his head. He bends down and put his shoulder under Carlton's arm and lifts up. "Let's get you out of here."

Spencer is trying to get Carlton to bed. He finally gets him stripped to boxers and t-shirt and is ready to walk away when Carlton suddenly grabs him. "Stay?"

Shawn takes a deep breath and fights his instincts. "That is not a great idea. Honestly Lassie, there is nothing I would like more, but you would totally hate me tomorrow."

"No, I just mean-I don't want to be alone, tonight." Ever, he thinks.

Shawn smiles and starts to take off his shoes. "Okay, but we're just snuggling because I am not that kind of boy and I don't put out on the first date."

Carlton snorts and pulls him close as he drifts off.

Carlton has his first dreamless night in months and wakes feeling like…like he's in bed with someone that's he's wrapped himself around and entangled limbs with. He knows-he just knows without opening his eyes. He takes a deep breath and…

"For the record, I want you to remember I was against this last night." Shawn shifts around and over on top of him. Carlton opens his eyes to see Shawn's smiling eyes looking down at him. "Did you dream about me again last night?"

"What?

"Psychic, remember? So what do you dream about when you dream about me? Do you dream about this?" And Shawn presses his lips to Carlton's.

Carlton tries to turn his face and Shawn deepens the kiss. Carlton opens his mouth to protest and Shawn takes advantage, invading, and Carlton is lost.

Shawn is lips and tongue and hands and fingers and soft skin and hard planes. He's everything Carlton ever dreamt he would and nothing like anything he could have ever imagined. And he's panting and Shawn's panting and skin is sliding against skin and "I've never" and "don't worry" and "do we" and "shhh it's okay' and "we won't" and "oh dear God" and "Shawn" and "Carlton"...

When Carlton Lassiter wakes up again, he's alone and sticky and his lips feel bruised and he thinks he might have a hickey on his collarbone. He groans and buries his face in his pillow. Because…

Carlton Lassiter is not gay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Shawn! Would you stop it?"

"Stop what?"

"Oh you know perfectly well what you're doing."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Not."

"Too."

"I can do this forever."

"So can I."

"Oh Gus, stop giving me your resolve face. No one can resist the resolve face." Shawn lets a giant exhalation and flops onto his desk chair at the Psych office.

"Who are you waiting for?'

Shawn pouts, "No one."

"Really Shawn? So why do you keep looking out the window and checking your phone?"

Shawn hurriedly puts is phone back in his pocket and tries to look innocent.

"Omigod, you totally hooked up with someone last night!"

"I did not!"

"So why do you have a hickey?

Shawn's eyes get big and he runs for the bathroom.

When he returns his shirt is buttoned a little more and his collar is pulled up.

"Did you hook up with someone last night?"

"Nooooo."

"Well whenever. Who is it?"

"Gus! You know I don't kiss and tell."

"What are you talking about Shawn? You always kiss and tell. You can't wait to tell! Omigod. She's married. Shawn, what have I said to you about married women? You've got to stop doing that! Do you not remember what happened last time? " Gus's voice was practically a screech.

"Hey, it is not my fault her husband thought you were the one she was having an affair with. Anyway relax; I am not having an affair with a married woman."

"Well what are you doing hooking up with someone anyway? I thought Juliet asked you to check up on Lassiter."

"I did, last night."

"So what happened last night?"

"Last night? Nothing. No, I mean, I found Lassie at a bar getting drunk, again. So I took him home."

"How? He didn't go on your bike did he?"

"No silly-I drove him home in his car."

"So?"

"Lassie is just lonely Gus. He wants romance."

"Ew. Lassiter and romance do not mix."

"Ew? What do you mean? Lassie is plenty romantic. He always takes my arm when he escorts me out of the station."

"So you won't run back in."

"He took his wife to that fancy restaurant."

"And she served him divorce papers."

"See? It's no wonder he needs romance."

"Well don't go trying to play matchmaker. "

"What if I know the perfect person?

"No."

"Guuuuusssss."

"No."

"Even if he starts singing?" Shawn's ever present smile begins to widen.

"Don't do it Shawn!'

Shawn grabs the broom.

"Why must you tempt me Shawn?"

"You know you want to. C'mon Gus. Matchmaker matchmaker make me a match"

" Find me a find…."

"Catch me a catch."

Singing and dancing ensue.

"Fiddler on the roof is one damn fine musical."

"You know that's right."

Carlton Lassiter puttered around his room, putting clean sheets on the bed, sorting his laundry, essentially doing all he could in order to avoid looking at the note sitting next to his bedside table. Occasionally he would try to sneak up on, walk casually by as if for something else, but every time he got close he felt himself breaking out into a cold sweat, fear and anxiety clenching his gut. "Fuck it!" He strode over to the table, grabbed the note, sat down on his bed, took a deep breath, and unfolded the piece of paper.

Lassie

I figured you'd probably freak out so I thought

I'd give you some space. Normally I like to

lay around and cuddle a bit. Stop clenching your

jaw-it'll give you TMJ Lassie. Don't ask me how

I know that-psychic remember? Anyways, call

me ok? I'll be at the office today. I think maybe

we should talk. Or else I'll feel all taken advantage of.

XOXO

Shawn

Carlton groaned. "What the hell have I done?" He crumpled the note and lay down on his bed. Only to start when the phone rang. He knew who it was. He answered anyway. "Lassiter."

"Is that seriously how you answer your home phone?"

"What do you want Spencer?"

"I think by now you might have figured that one out."

Carlton ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Look Spencer-"

"Shawn."

"What?'

"Shawn, you called me Shawn before, I'm entitled that much don't you think. Considering."

"Shawn. Look, I drank too much last night."

"That doesn't really explain this morning, now does it? You know, I'm not going to let you do this. I'll be there soon."

"What? No! I don't want…" Carlton suddenly realized he was shouting at a dial tone.

"Damnit Shaw-Spencer!"

Should he let him in? Should he try to fob him off at the door? Carlton snorted. Like that would be possible. He doubted anyone had ever truly kept Shawn from doing exactly what he wanted. And what did Carlton want? Too soon he heard the knocking on his door. He sighed and went to open it knowing he was opening the door to what was likely to be the biggest challenge he had ever faced.

"Spen-Shawn. Come in."

"Carlton! What's up?'

"Me, O'Hara. What's going on with you? You seem suspiciously perky this morning."

"Oh nothing." She positively trilled.

"O'Hara." He growled.

"Fine. I asked Shawn to check up on you."

"You did what?"

"I was worried Carlton. You've been so cranky lately…"

"I'm always cranky O'Hara. What the hell have you done? What did Shaw-Spencer say?"

"He said all you needed was some romance and that he had fixed you up with the perfect person."

Carlton narrowed his eyes, "And the perfect person is….?"

"He didn't say but he said this person already liked you ."

"And how do you know all this? It's only 9."

"Shawn and I always have coffee together on Monday mornings."

So that's where he had wandered off to so early this morning. Carlton was shocked by Shawn suddenly bounding out of bed before his alarm had even gone off. He had imagined Spenc-Shawn being the type to sleep till noon. Well at least this reminded Carlton that he needed to have a talk with Shawn about keeping this quiet. He didn't need anyone knowing about their-whatever the hell it was. If it lasted past this weekend. Carlton gave a mental sigh-who was he fooling? It had the earmarks of a grand long lasting disaster. But no one else needed to know about it. Because Carlton Lassiter was not gay.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Carlton didn't know why he kept putting it off. Well right now he was too comfortable, lying on the couch, eyes half closed listening to Shawn prattle on about his ideas for entertainment this weekend. Something involving wearing Carlton's Civil War uniforms and laser tag and reenacting the Battle of Jericho? Huh?

"Shawn. We need to talk."

"What? Lassie, we can do a different battle if you want. Hastings? I heard there was pudding."

"It's hasty pudding Shawn."

"I've heard it both ways."

"Anyway I am serious. We need to talk."

"What? Noo. Lassie, everyone knows that's code for 'I'm breaking up with you.' You can't break up with me. You haven't bought me dinner or had pity sex with me or anything."

"What? No. I'm not breaking up with you. Besides, we're not even dating."

Shawn raised his eyebrows. "Really? Then what is it that we are doing Mr. giving Head Detective?"

Carlton thought for a minute. "Fucking?" It shocked Carlton to see a flash of hurt in Shawn's eyes.

"Fucking. Well then I guess I will be going. Since we are done _fucking_ for the night. "

Shawn started to get off the couch when Carlton grabbed him and pulled him back down to him. "Shawn, don't go. I'm sorry. I just don't know what we are doing here. It's not as if I have done anything like this before."

Shawn tried to struggle out of his grasp. "Carlton I am sure you have done plenty of fucking in your lifetime. Now let me go!"

"No." Carlton pulled him closer, tighter. "I don't want to let you go. I like being with you. I just don't know what being with you is. I mean, you're a man. "

Shawn snickered and settled back into him. "Yeah, it kind came as a surprise to me. Being a man that is."

"Funny Spencer. But you see I'm a man."

"Wow I can see how you made Head Detective, Lassiter. Brilliant deductive reasoning!"

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you. I'm at a loss. Because I am not gay."

"Um, we are lying on your couch together after having big gay sex. I think that counts as gay."

"I don't feel gay."

"Being attracted to men…makes you kinda gay."

"I'm not attracted to men."

"Again you just had gay sex. With a man! Gay."

"I'm attracted to **a** man. You."

The smile that lit up Shawn's face was blinding. He squeezed him hard and kissed him. "I'm attracted to **a** man too. You. Okay, since we've established that we are attracted to each other, you're not gay but we _are_ fucking and you're not breaking up with me-what is it that you wanted to talk about?"

Carlton took a breath and said, "Look I don't want you to take this the wrong way but I don't want anyone to know about us."

Shawn stiffened but didn't pull away. "I see," he said quietly.

"Look Shawn. I don't know where this is going. And I value my career and my reputation. And the relationship I have with my family. I don't want to ruin it all for something that may end up being a flash in the pan."

"Is that how you see me? A flash in the pan?"

"Sometimes. But that was even before this happened."

Shawn nodded. "Okay, I can understand that. I don't like it but I can see it. But I can't really keep this secret from Gus too much longer. He's already suspicious that I'm up to something."

Carlton smiled, "Well that's nothing new is it, you being up to something? Yeah, I can see that. But seriously, he can't tell anyone either. I still have hopes of being Chief someday."

"Gus can keep a secret."

Carlton narrowed his eyes, "I know he can."

Shawn played wide eyed innocence, "Whatever do you mean?"

Carlton shook his head. This was how they were going to play it? Fine. "Nothing. Now come here."

Gus's office phone rang. "Burton Guster speaking."

"Billy Jean is not my lovah…"

"She's a girl who claims you are the one."

"But the kid is not my son. Guess what I just bought? Hello? Hello?" Shawn was speaking to a dial tone.

"Woooweee!"

"Man Gus, I can't believe you just kicked my ass."

"You are no match for my skilled dance moves Shawn. Whew, I gotta take a break."

"Sheez, me too. Go get us some more tasty pina coladas. "

"Why me? "

"Well it is my game."

"Fine. Be back in a minute."

Gus rummaged around in Shawn's kitchen and was honestly quite surprised. "Uh Shawn? Since when do you drink single malt scotch?'

"What? Oh, I don't-it's Carl-ly's."

"Carly? Is that your mystery woman's name? Hmph. Are you sure she's not married? Why haven't I met her yet?"

"She's just a private person Gus. She doesn't want be out-there till she's more sure of us. Me. Y'know?"

"Well you must really like her because I am pretty sure you never owned a coffee maker before either."

"Well she's a little addicted."

Gus returned to the living room, handed Shawn a hurricane glass, and flopped on the couch. "Hey! What is this?" Gus pulled out a crumpled ball of fabric. "A tie?"

"We were playing Gab-Garbo and her hot young boy toy."

"Ew-you had sex on this couch?" Gus jumped up.

"Gus come on, I've had sex on your couch."

"Shawn!"

"What? I thought you knew."

"I did not kn-nevermind, I'm going to the bathroom anyway-I can at least thoroughly wash my hands."

When Gus went to the bathroom he noticed the extra toothbrush. Kind of manly for a girl. The razor. "I wonder when Shawn stopped using his electric shaver." As he went to dry his hands, he noticed something else. "What's that smell? That's definitely not Shawn's cologne." His attention was drawn by a crumpled white button down. A man's crumpled white button down. He screamed and ran into the living room, holding the shirt. "Omigod Shawn! You're dating Lassiter!"

"Finally!"

"Why didn't you tell me?'

"Gus, I just did."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Shawn was sitting at his table staring at the Chinese food cartons trying to decide whether or not to go ahead and start eating them or not. Lassiter was 2 hours late, he hadn't called, and hadn't returned Shawn's message. He might have worried but he remembered many an evening in his childhood watching his mother do the same thing. "Oh my god, I'm turning into my mother. Well fuck that." He started to grab a carton when Lassiter walked. "Lassie! Where have you b-" Shawn bit his tongue, he was so not turning into his mother.

Carlton grimaced, rubbed his hand across his face and through his hair. "Sorry I got busy with a case and didn't have time to remember to call you back." God this felt too familiar. He stopped himself before he said more. His defensiveness had escalated many a fight between him and Victoria.

Shawn smiled, got up, walked up to Carlton, and pulled him close. Right before kissing him he said, "It's okay, I understand."

When the revelation struck Carlton, that yes, it really was okay and Shawn really did understand, he pulled him tighter and kissed him harder.

"Well at least I know you're happy to see me. Really happy to see me." When Shawn reached for Carlton's zipper, Carlton didn't even bother to pretend to fight him. "Oooh are we gonna have some afternoon delight, before you have to rush back to the station? Well technically evening delight, but…"

"How did you know I had to rush back to the station?"

"Seriously? Uh, psychic?"

Carlton snorted. He forgot sometimes that Shawn was a cop's kid.

Shawn knelt down, "It's a good thing I'm reeeeeeeally hungry."

Shawn felt all warm and fuzzy and domestic. He had packed Carlton up some food and sent him back to the station. ..

"Oh my God!"

Henry Spencer's phone rang. He put down his beer and answered it, "Spencer."

"Seriously, what is with cops and answering the phone like that?"

"Shawn. What do you want?"

"I wanted to thank you for ruining my childhood yet once again."

"What is it this time?"

"You were having sex with my mother, in my house, while I was downstairs watching TV after dinner!"

"And you bring this up now why?"

"I just realized it. You would come home late, you guys would almost start to fight, then you would both go upstairs, then she would come down, pack up dinner for you, and you would go back to the station."

Henry smiled at the memory, but before he could say anything Shawn yelled, "Stop smiling! I can hear you!"

"What made you think of that anyway?"

"I was sitting here waiting for Carl-y to come over for dinner and it brought back some memories."

"It wasn't all bad between your mother and me, kid. You've just reminded me of some really fond memories. Listen, I need to get off the phone, I uh."

"Oh my god, you are not going to go masturbate are you? Aargh."

Henry chuckled as he hung up the phone. Shawn was so easy to wind up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Carlton's phone rang. "Lassiter."

"Carlton? It's Victoria…"

"What's wrong?" He was shocked by the raw pain in her voice.

"Daddy died," she sobbed.

Shawn fussed with Carlton's tie. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"No, I'm meeting her at the house and there's going to be a wake afterward, it's more of a family thing."

"Then why are you going?"

"Come on Shawn, he was my father-in-law for many years."

"You hated him."

"True he was a bastard. But I owe it to Victoria."

"You don't owe her anything."

"Shawn," Carlton's voice had an edge to it.

"Sorry, Lassie, but she made you miserable."

"Not the whole time Shawn."

"I know, I know. But there's going to be icky feelings and stuff and I won't be around to protect you Lassie."

Carlton smiled and pulled him close, "My knight in shining armor."

Victoria clung to him throughout the day. It offset the cold shoulder he had gotten from the rest of her family. He hated to admit it but he liked to be needed. Later at the house she sat next to him on the couch and put her head on his shoulder. He instinctively put his arm around her and she sighed.

"I needed to get away from the sympathy. You know Carlton; I was pretty rotten to you."

"Hush Victoria, this isn't about me, or us."

"I know, but you've been so good about this today and I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

He didn't reply just squeezed her tight. He had forgotten how good she felt in his arms.

"So are you seeing anyone?

He stiffened. "Uh well I uh…"

She pulled away. "Oh. Well, maybe we could have lunch sometime?"

"Yeah, that would be nice."

Chief Karen Vick was smiling as she hung up the phone. It wasn't often phone calls from the mayor put her in this good a mood. She was about ready to call Head Detective Carlton Lassiter to her office when she decided to bring the news to him. It also wasn't often she got to be the bearer of good news and she didn't mind an audience for this bit. She walked out to his desk and smiled at the tableau. Her people. Detective O'Hara was perched on her desk expostulating about something and Burton Guster sat in a chair at her feet nodding raptly. Officer McNabb was trying to pretend not to be watching everyone and Shawn Spencer was whispering something absurd in her Head Detective's ear while he rolled his eyes and tried to push Mr. Spencer's hands off his thigh. She chuckled to herself and shook her head.

"Ahem."

That got everyone's attention. Detective O'Hara jumped of the desk, Mr. Guster leapt to his feet, and Head Detective Lassiter pushed Mr. Spencer away and slid his chair under his desk. She swore for a minute she saw a flash of disappointment in her psychic's eyes.

"Well now that I have your attention-I have a bit of news for you. I just got off phone with the mayor and guess who has been invited as the guest of honor for this year's Santa Barbara City Council's Awards Dinner?"

Everyone looked at her.

"Our very own Head Detective Carlton Lassiter."

Ah now that was the response she wanted. O'Hara and Spencer were grinning widely, McNabb looked suitably awestruck, Guster was nodding in agreement, and Lassiter was fighting a smile and trying to look humble. It wasn't working.

"So I expect everyone to buy their tickets. They sit 10 to a table, I expect you at mine." She walked off, thinking of everything she had to get done before then. "I wonder if my babysitter will stay all night?"

"But Lassie I don't see why not?"

"Stop whining Shawn it's not very attractive on you and I don't have time for this."

"But-"

"But nothing. I can see it now. 'Hey thanks for the award Mayor, by the way I'm gay. Here's my stupid psychic boyfriend. Do you want my resignation now or later?'"

"Carlton, don't be ridiculous, it's the 21st century you know."

"Do you know what happens to gay cops Shawn? Do you?"

Shawn was silent.

"I'll tell you happens. They lose their jobs, they don't get back up, they don't get promoted, they aren't taken seriously! Is that what you want to happen to me? Is it?" Carlton's voice rose.

Shawn's voice was small, "No."

Carlton pulled him tight. "It's okay baby, I'll make it up to you. How 'bout we do something after the dinner? Just you and me huh?"

Shawn blinked away unshed tears and thought, yeah, just like it's always just you and me.

"Shawn I'm sorry, I just thought that you and Lassiter were you going to you know, go together. Or at least go alone together."

"Me too Gus. Me too."

"Aw man, that sucks. You know, Lassiter is a jerk for doing this."

"No it's okay Gus, he has good reasons. We'll just do something together afterward."

"Still, I don't like it. Maybe Juliet and I can come get you."

"No I don't want to ruin your date."

Gus got slightly huffy. "It's not really a date. Per se. We're just going as friends."

Shawn smiled for the first time in hours. "Good luck with that Gus."

"Come on Henry."

"Shawn, I didn't go to these things when I was on the force, why would I want to go to them now? And besides, you hate these kinds of things too. Why do you want to go so bad? And what about Gus? You drag him along to every other crappy thing you want to go to."

"Come on, Car-Lassiter's going to get an award. And Gus is going with Jules and I don't wanna go by myself. We can dress up."

"I hate dressing up Shawn. You hate dressing up."

"I just don't want to go by myself. And I want to see Lassie get his award. And I can't really take the bike unless I totally want to pull a Reckless but as good looking as I am, even I have to admit I am no Aidan Quinn. "

"Aid-what. Never mind. Fine. But I am not wearing a tie. And you are paying for the tickets."

"Thanks Henry. You'll see, it'll be totally awesome, bye."

Henry hung up and shook his head. It was not going to be "totally awesome." It was going to be as boring as every other awards dinner that he didn't win an award at. It puzzled him that Shawn wanted to go see Carlton be honored so badly. He wondered why Shawn wasn't taking his girlfriend. What was her name? Carly? A sudden revelation hit him. It literally knocked the breath out of him. For the first time in a long time Shawn had actually thrown him for a loop. Henry sighed. Shawn was in for a long hard journey. He wondered how the hell it had even happened, "Jesus kid, you never do anything by halves do you?"

Henry honked his horn.

Shawn poked his head out the door, "Henry, come in I need your help!"

Henry sighed and climbed out of his truck.

"Fix me!"

"Shawn you know how to tie a tie."

"I know but I'm too nervous. My fingers are all fumbley."

"You're worse than a kid at prom. Stand still. Be careful with yourself Shawn. You're dancing with dynamite here. You never know when it's going to explode on you."

"What? What are you talking about Henry?"

"Oh please. It isn't as if you haven't been dropping hints all over the place."

Shawn sputtered.

"Christ kid, don't play stupid, everyone else may be fooled but I can see right through you." Henry shook his head. "What the hell were you thinking Shawn? Do you know how hard it is to be a gay cop? Besides, he's…." Henry was rarely at a loss for words.

Shawn's face brightened, "He's Lassie!"

"God, you have it bad. I'd like it noted for the record that while he is an excellent detective I find him and this, very disturbing." Henry started walking out the door, "Come on."

Henry's heart went out for his son. He understood his reasoning but he still couldn't believe Lassiter brought his ex-wife to the dinner.

"So Victoria, what brings you to our dinner?"

"Oh Henry, I just wanted to support Carlton. This is the kind of thing he worked so hard for during the time we were together," her voice took an edge. "Maybe he'll relax a little now," she said looking at Carlton with a hopeful smile.

Carlton gave her a strained smile back.

Shawn got up to get another drink.

Henry snorted, "I wouldn't count on it Victoria. It usually takes a heart attack or something else radically life threatening for guys like Carlton to change their work habits and sometimes not even that."

"I can change Henry."

"Oh, I'm well aware of that Carlton, but I was talking about your work habits."

Carlton frowned, and then got up to get another drink.

Juliet O'Hara watched them with a puzzled look on her face.

As Carlton walked away from the bar he heard a voice hiss his name and a hand yanked him into an alcove next to some giant ferns.

"How could you Carlton? And you couldn't even tell me? Will I find out you're getting remarried through the society pages?"

"Shawn it's not like that."

"Then how is it?"

"Victoria and I have been friendly lately, since the funeral. It's a lot easier being friends with her now that we aren't married. I just wanted to take the heat off you know. And distract anyone who might suspect anything."

"Because it would be so horrible if that happened. I wish you had told me. Besides I don't think she knows that what you are is 'just friends'."

"Don't be ridiculous, I knew you'd react like this, that's why I didn't say anything. Shawn, look I'll meet you in a few minutes."

Henry watched them arguing and watch Carlton placate Shawn. The hand motions were so familiar because he had made them many times to his wife, his girlfriends, and his son. Shawn walked back to the table and sat down heavily. Henry awkwardly patted his hand and Shawn smiled gratefully at him, then realized what he was doing and snatched his hand away. Carlton returned to the table and whispered in Victoria's ear, she nodded, Carlton walked around the table and 'accidentally' brushed his fingers on the back of Shawn's neck as he walked by. When Shawn got up Henry shook his head. As he looked around the table, he noticed Gus watching Shawn walk away with narrowed eyes. Henry looked at Gus and Gus shook his head. Henry nodded. Well at least they were on the same page on this.

After he realized Victoria was starting to shift around keeping an eye out for Carlton, Henry thought he'd better go find his son.

Juliet watched the interplay around the table with a frown.

As he rounded the corner, Henry saw Carlton Lassiter walk out of a bathroom, adjusting his clothing and zipping up his pants. He ducked back behind a plant waiting for his son. When Shawn didn't come out he went into the bathroom only to find him staring in the mirror and using a wet paper towel to cool reddened eyes. "Shawn. Let's go home."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Carlton Lassiter came in to the office the next morning to find Henry Spencer sitting at his desk, leaned back in the chair, feet on the desk, rotating a pair of Baoding balls in his hand, resembling a modern day Captain Bligh.

"Henry?"

"Carlton, I'd like to speak to you."

Puzzled Carlton said, "Okay, so we're speaking..."

"Privately."

"Henry, I don't..."

Henry cut him off, "Now, Detective."

Carlton did not like the tone of his voice. "Fine, _Mr._ Spencer. Follow me." And led the way to one of the empty attorney-client rooms.

Carlton walked in first, turning as Henry Spencer locked the door. And was taken by surprise when Henry grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and shoved him roughly against the wall. "Henry what the hell?"

Henry took advantage of his surprise by pinning him to the wall with his hand around Carlton's neck. "My son," he said through clenched teeth, "is **no one's** dirty little secret." Henry smiled with grim determination as he saw the color leave the detective's face. "Yeah that's right, you should be worried." Henry let go and backed away.

Carlton tried to look unconcerned and brushed and straightened out his suit jacket. "This is none your business Henry."

"He's my only son and when someone **else** is making him this miserable it becomes my business. Look I know this kind of thing is tough for a cop but I thought you were a better man than this Carlton. "

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Yes you do, don't play stupid with me-you don't do it half as well as Shawn does and I can see right through him. You need to do the right thing, either end it if you don't have the guts to be with him or make it right. If you don't, I will make you pay. And no, I won't out you, that would be too easy and Shawn doesn't want that. But mark my words, I have many many more years of experience than you in making people more miserable than you could ever possibly imagine." And Henry started to walk away.

Carlton tried to stop him, "Henry listen…"

"This conversation is over; you just need to decide what you're going to do. Goodbye Detective Lassiter."

Carlton Lassiter didn't know how long he sat there before he got up to leave the room.

"I'll kill him! "

"Now Gus, there is no need for violence."

"Who said anything about violence? I have samples and I know all about drug interactions. No one would ever know. Just say the word."

"Gus it's very sweet of you to offer to kill my boyfriend but no."

"You're not still calling him your boyfriend after last night are you?"

Shawn looked away.

"Shawn!"

"I don't know; I have to think."

"Well, you think long and hard. I can't believe I am saying this out loud but Lassiter does not deserve you."

"Thanks buddy."

Carlton was lonely and depressed and didn't know what to do. It was three days later and Shawn wouldn't answer the phone. He wouldn't reply to his messages. Gus wouldn't answer the phone. Hell, Henry wouldn't even answer the phone. He tried going by the Psych office but no one was ever there. Or at least no one would answer the door. He went by Shawn's apartment but he was never home and the locks had been changed. He knew better than to go by Henry's or Gus's. They'd probably kill him on sight. Well, Henry would, Gus might try to poison him. He didn't even know why he was trying so hard. It wasn't as if he knew what he was going to say to Shawn. He liked his life the way it was. Carlton didn't like change. His divorce was almost too much for him to bear and Shawn was like a hurricane that had torn into his life and destroyed everything in its path. And Carlton was just trying to hang on to the bits and pieces of his old life. And it wasn't working. There was a giant Shawn-shaped hole in his life.

"Carlton, are you okay?"

Carlton was startled of his funk by his partner looking with him with concern.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. Did your girlfriend breakup with you?"

"My girlfriend?"

"The one Shawn set you up with?"

"He didn't-I don't have-Uh-maybe. I don't know."

"Well I wondered. Especially, since you brought Victoria to the dinner."

"There's nothing going on between me and Victoria," Carlton said automatically.

"I don't think she realizes that. Then why didn't you bring your girlfriend?"

"I didn't think we were that serious."

"Seriously? Carlton, you really need to work on your interpersonal skills. You probably really hurt her feelings. That's terrible."

"I think I've figured that out by now."

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"I would if any of my calls got returned"

"Oh Carlton."

Carlton was out on a call when Shawn finally called. He nodded at O'Hara to take over and walked to where he could hear. At this point he was so desperate and miserable that he didn't care who could hear him.

"Shawn!"

"Carlton, I can't do this anymore. I know you have this need to be taken seriously, but so do I. You don't take my job seriously despite all Gus and I have done for this department. But that's okay, my dad doesn't either, hell I'm not sure that even Gus does. But dammit, you don't take me, us, seriously and I can't live like that."

"Shawn, can I see you please? So we can talk?"

"I'm not sure what you can say."

"I'm not either. But give me a chance. You know I don't like to give up." He swore he heard Shawn start to chuckle.

"Yeah I know you're pretty stubborn Lassie."

"So, dinner tomorrow?"

"Let me guess at my apartment or your house?"

Carlton grimaced, it stung. "I guess I deserve that. Wherever you want."

"Red Robin?"

Carlton laughed and made a choking noise. "If you want."

"Well you really are trying. No just get us some take out and come over. We probably should be private to talk."

"Thank you."

"And Lassie, I don't know if this will ever work but God I'd like to try. I've never felt like this about anyone else before."

Carlton Lassiter was absolutely speechless. He felt like he had giant lump in his throat.

"I'll see you tomorrow night."

When Carlton came back, Juliet looked at him questioningly. "Were you talking to Shawn? He hasn't been by the station all week."

"Uh yeah."

"Did he say what was going on?"

"Oh, uh, he's angry with me."

"Shawn angry? He almost never gets angry."

"I may have been a little overly uh abrasive last time we talked."

"Carlton! You should apologize."

"Yeah I should."

Juliet looked at him with a startled look on her face. He said what?

"Anyway, what do we have?"

They got back to work.

Carlton clearly needed to talk to someone about this, but couldn't figure out to whom. He wasn't the kind of man who had a lot of very close friends. Henry was obviously out, besides what did he know about relationships, he was divorced too. O'Hara was a possibility, she certainly wouldn't judge him for being in a relationship with Shawn, but frankly she was too naïve and probably a closet romantic to boot. Besides she had no long term relationships under her belt either. There was only one person he knew that had a successful career and long term relationship. He sighed, got up and walked down the hall.

Chief Karen Vick was startled to see her Head Detective knocking on her door.

"Excuse me Karen, can I come in?"

"Sure Carlton, have a seat. Can I help you with something?"

"Well, you know I don't talk much about my personal life."

"I've noticed."

"It's about Shawn."

"Look if you are coming to me to complain…"

"No, it's not that. You've been married for quite a while now right?"

Karen furrowed her brow and replied, "Yes. I'm not really sure where you're going with this Carlton."

"Well, you've probably had to fight some prejudice along the way to work your way as far up the ranks as you have right? And you seem to be happily married. I mean you even have a kid."

"Ye-ah."

He stood and started pacing. "I mean other cops manage okay despite obvious disadvantages. Women, minorities, McNabb. I could be a leader, maybe a role model." He stopped and looked at her, "Your husband, he supports you right?"

Her face softened, "Yeah, he's great."

"He doesn't mind all the hours you put in or if your mind's on work."

"No he doesn't. He understands me."

Carlton nodded, "He understands you. You know, Victoria never did."

"So, I've heard. Carlton, sit down and tell me what on earth is going on."

He sat. "Well Shawn is not Victoria."

"No. He's not. He's… Oh."

"Yeah."

"I see. Is this new?"

He nodded, "A couple of months."

"But you brought Victoria to the dinner."

"We're just friends."

"I'm not sure she's aware of that. Why not Shawn?"

"I uh. I mean he," he paused. "I wasn't ready."

"I'm guessing Mr. Spencer wasn't happy about that."

Carlton slumped down in the chair. "No, he wasn't."

"Carlton, what is it exactly that you want from me?"

He looked at her plaintively, "Tell me what to do."

She almost smiled, but worried that if she allowed herself to do that the incipient hysterical laughter she had been holding in would bubble up to the surface. Lassiter wouldn't understand, he'd think she was making fun of him. He was a man who greatly valued his dignity. Dignity. That was so important to him and everything about having a homosexual relationship with a flamboyant self-styled psychic detective had to be against every instinct he had ever had. Well not every instinct. She tamped that thought down. For later.

She stood up, leaned her hands on her desk and looked down into his eyes, "What is it that you want?"

Without hesitating he said, "Shawn."

She raised her eyebrows at him.

He nodded, got up and started to walk away.

"And Carlton, whatever you decide, you're still my Head Detective."

He turned back to her, gave her a faint smile and nodded, "Thanks."

After Lassiter left, Karen stared at her coffee and wondered if it had been laced with something. That was the only possible reason for the air of unreality that permeated her talk with him. She hoped she had helped but honest to God she had no idea what the right answer for Carlton Lassiter was. She just hoped the fallout didn't screw up the department's case clearance rate.

Carlton wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings as he walked back to his desk thinking about his conversation with Karen. So he was totally shocked when his partner punched him in the arm. Hard.

"O'Hara! What the hell?"

"That was for keeping secrets from your partner!" And then, she punched him again.

"Dammit Juliet!"

"And that's for being a heartless bastard to Shawn!"

"Oww! What?"

"Why would you do that to him Carlton? I always thought you were," she paused trying to find the right word, "honorable. I'm so disappointed in you."

"Well stand in line," he said miserably.

Her face softened, "You could have told me."

He shook his head, "No not really. How did you find out? Did Guster tell you?"

She shook her head, "No one had to tell me Carlton. I'm a detective remember? It took me a while because, seriously? I never expected it. In retrospect it seems totally obvious. All the little pieces fit together."

He gave her a wan smile, "Good work Detective."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't really know. Beg for forgiveness?"

"Well, it's a start. Come on, let's go to lunch and I will help you plan."

"Oh so you're an expert on relationships now?"

"No, but I've had a lot of crappy boyfriends."

"Wait does this make Shawn the girl?" Carlton smiled for the first time that day.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes and muttered "Men," under her breath.

Shawn and Gus were grabbing tacos when Gus broke the silence. "So, when's he coming over?"

"After work."

"And what are you going to tell him?"

Shawn exhaled a giant whoosh of air, "Gus I don't know."

Gus shook his head, "Shawn you have to lay down the law."

"Frankly Gus, I prefer it when Lassie 'Lays Down The Law'."

"Shawn please? Be serious."

"Oh I am totally serious. I'm Sirius Black. And Lassie is my Remus. No he's my Severus Snape. The tall, dark, and brooding Potion's Master with a checkered past. Yes he's got a temper and bad hair but he's also a hero-"

"Shawn!"

"Sorry, got a little carried away there."

"I can't believe you think that way about Harry Potter characters Shawn, that's messed up."

"Hey me and a million fan girls can't be wrong."

"Come on, Shawn you guys are going to have to have a serious talk."

"Gus, I don't do serious. And Lassie doesn't talk."

"Well the fact that he's coming over means something."

"Yeah I know. He's says he wants to try."

"Okay. You must have it bad to give him another chance. I've seen you break up with a girl for not liking 80's movies."

"Dude she dissed Top Secret!"

"You didn't tell me that. Well I have to head back to the office. And Shawn, I still have no idea how on earth this happened between you and Lassiter."

"Chemistry."

"You mean craziness."

"He's sexy."

"He's scary."

"Smart."

"Disturbing."

"Funny."

"Anal."

"Yes!"

"What? Shawn you did not just say that! I don't want to hear that!"

"You brought it up. Interested in expanding your horizons Gus?" Shawn raised his eyebrows at Gus.

Gus shook his head. He knew that Shawn had mastered the art of deflection in order to avoid any emotional self-reflection. Having a psychologist for a mother will do that to you.

Shawn smiled and reached for Gus, "I think it's time for a hug don't you?"

Gus normally resisted but he could see the fragility in Shawn's eyes that normally lurked well beneath the surface so he hugged back.

Shawn's voice was muffled when he said, "I'm scared Gus. I think I might love him."

Gus squeezed tighter and said, "Good luck Shawn. I just want you to be happy."

"Me too man, me too."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Carlton swore he had eaten half a bottle of Tums by the time had gotten off work and still acid was eating holes in his stomach. He was about to knock on Shawn's door when Henry Spencer walked out. Carlton took a step back. "Henry."

Henry nodded at him curtly. "Lassiter. Apparently, my idiot son is still quite fond of you so I am not allowed to threaten you or cause you physical harm. I'm still taking that under advisement." He ran his hand over his head. "Look, we're not touchy feely, talky talky kind of guys," he gestured at himself and Carlton, "but what the hell do we know? Our wives left us. But I will tell you this, if I thought I had a second chance at the kind of happiness Maddie and I used to have, I'd grab it and never let it go." He smacked Carlton on the arm and walked to his truck.

Carlton winced, "Dammit O'Hara." He turned back to knock and was surprised by Shawn standing at his door.

"Don't mind Henry. He's been surprisingly overprotective."

"He's right though. Um, I brought food and beer." Carlton held up a large picnic basket.

"Aw Lassie I feel all special."

Carlton flushed, "You are special Shawn."

"You know I can't resist you when you look at me all earnest with those big blues of yours. Come on in."

Carlton made Shawn sit while he served the food. "Put it on real plates Carlton, it makes it nicer," Juliet had told him. He poured the beer into glasses and set a pineapple in the center of the table. When he finally sat down he looked over at Shawn and felt his heart skip a beat. Shawn was smiling that smile of his, the one that lit up his face and made his eyes blaze emerald green.

"Carlton, this" Shawn gestured around the table, "this is nice. Really nice. Who coached you?"

Carlton looked down, "Vick and O'Hara."

Shawn's smile grew broader. "They know? You told them?"

Carlton pulled on his tie, "Well I told Vick but O'Hara figured it on her own." He rubbed his arm. "She punched me on the arm. Hard. Twice!"

"That's my girl!"

"Listen Shawn, I-"

"No no no. You'll overthink this. You always do. Let me. Are you ashamed of me?"

"No, it was never you. It was me."

"Now that the important people know, will we still be sneaking around?"

"No."

"Can we make out at the station?"

"Shawn!"

"Just checking. I was worried you might be an imposter Lassiter."

"Ha ha, very funny Shawn." Carlton stood up and walked over to where Shawn was seated and pulled him up to his feet. "The SBPD picnic is coming up and uh do you want to go with me as my date?"

"Are you asking me to go steady Lassie?

Carlton groaned but pulled Shawn toward him. "Yes."

"Will we hold hands and everything?"

"Shawn, I don't hold hands." Carlton pulled him tighter when Shawn tried to draw away, "Not even with the man I love."

Shawn stood still for just a moment before he whooped and leant up to start kissing Carlton. "I love you too Lassie, I love you too." He dove back in for another kiss. He had Carlton backed against a wall and was trying to pull his shirt out of his pants when Carlton broke the kiss and said, "What about dinner?"

Shawn started laughing as he maneuvered Carlton to his bedroom. "Only you Lassie. Only you."

**Epilogue**

Karen Vick and Henry Spencer started when Carlton Lassiter held his phone far from his ear and they could hear a woman's voice squawking from the earpiece. They looked at Juliet O'Hara who shrugged and whispered, "It's Victoria. He just told her about Shawn."


End file.
